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Submitted on
January 22
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Tigerclaw: Oakheart, how dare you hunt in our territory? Sunningrocks belong to ThunderClan!
Oakheart: No it doesn't.
Tigerclaw: Yes it does.
Oakheart: No it doesn't.
Tigerclaw: Yes it does.
Oakheart: No it doesn't.
Tigerclaw: Yes it does.
Redtail: HEY. You two are in battle, not in the nursery. 
Tigerclaw: Don't tell us what to do, old man.
Redtail: You're a year older than me.
Tigerclaw: Shut up.

Redtail: ThunderClan will honor your courage, Tigerclaw, but we cannot afford to lose any more warriors.
Tigerclaw: Um. 1, It's against the code to kill a cat. 2, Practically we have the most cats, and 3, No one has pretty much died. Ask Bluestar.
Redtail: Look, I'm a tortoiseshell tomcat. Anything is possible in this place. 

Bluestar: ThunderClan needs more warriors if it is to survive.
Spottedleaf: So what? Shall we force every she-cat in the Clan to become pregnant? Is sex really going to save the Clan's population? 

Spottedleaf: Fire alone can save our Clan.
Bluestar: So do you want me to... *lights match*
Spottedleaf: I'm pretty sure that's not what StarClan meant.
Bluestar: ...I knew that.

Rusty: Gosh I hate this place. The food here is total foxdung - like who the hell made this? Like Smudge pooped in my bowl or something. Good thing I dreamed about going to the woods otherwise I'd be continuing to eat cat poop.

Smudge: Where are you off to, Rusty?
Rusty: Hello, Smudge.
Smudge: You're not going to the woods, are you?
Rusty: *glares* ...
Smudge: What? Didn't you hear me?
Rusty: Oh, I heard you. What I didn't hear was a hello.
Smudge: *rolls eyes* Hello...
Rusty: Good. There was no need to be rude, Smudge. 

*Greypaw attacks Rusty*
Rusty: GAAAHH THIS IS JUST LIKE EVERY CLICHE WARRIORS ROLEPLAY. 

Greypaw: What's a kittypet like you doing out in the woods? Don't you know it's dangerous?
Rusty: Holy crap, I can literally hear the authors laughing at the word they used for 'housecat'. 

(No joke. When I first saw the word 'kittypet' in the series I nearly cracked up)

Greypaw: This is Lionheart, my mentor.
Lionheart: Thank you for the introduction, Greypaw.
Greypaw: Was that sarcasm? 

Bluestar: Would you like to join ThunderClan?
Rusty: What? You want me to join a group of cats who I don't even know, who are full of fleas and infection, and would kill me in the process? I'M IN!

Rusty: Hey, Smudge, I'm leaving you forever. 

Bluestar: ThunderClan needs more warriors. Never before have we had so few apprentices in training.
Dappletail: But wasn't it just me and One-eye one time?
Patchpelt: And remember, when you were an apprentice, it was just you, me, Snowfur and Leopardfoot? That's pretty much the same on what we currently have. 

Longtail: ...even if your Twoleg stench doesn't!
Rusty: Bluestar, even I know it's rude to speak uninvited in a meeting like this. Aren't you going to like...you know...scold him or something?
Lionheart: Just shut up and represent profits in a kids book. 

Bluestar: This cat will be called Firepaw, in honor of his flame-coloured coat.
Firepaw: Actually it's ginger, but I'll give you one for that. 

Greypaw: That's Spottedleaf, our medicine cat. She's younger and prettier than most. Yes, I just called my own aunt pretty. Not incest now, is it?

Greypaw: Now Darkstripe is neither young, nor pretty.
Darkstripe: I'm younger than Spottedleaf - you dolt. 

Ravenpaw: REDTAIL IS DEAD!
Bluestar: Who?

Tigerclaw: He died in honor, struck down by Oakheart. I couldn't save him but I managed to take Oakheart's life while he was still gloating over his victory.
Bluestar: ...Great...just...just great. 

Bluestar: Well, now I must choose a new deputy. Since Tigerclaw was the one who avenged Redtail's life by killing Oakheart - his murderer - like the hero he is, the new deputy will be Lionheart. 

Sandpaw: He smells like a kittypet! Don't tell me I have to share dens with that revolting stench.
Greypaw: *whispers to Firepaw* Don't worry. That's she-cat talk for wanting the D.

Whitestorm: LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN!

Firepaw: But why can't we all just be friends?
Tigerclaw: Because only roleplayers do that. 

(Sandpaw continues bitching)
Firepaw: Dustpaw is with her. Does that mean..?
Greypaw: Yeah she still wants the D. 

Greypaw: Firepaw, are you falling in love with Spottedleaf? 
Firepaw: You did say she was pretty and young.
Greypaw: But that's different - I'm her nephew. 

(Cat attacks Firepaw)
Firepaw: Okay, what is with everyone randomly jumping at me?

Cat: A puny apprentice. Easy prey for Yellowfang.
Firepaw: Nice roll call. 

Bluestar: What do we have here? An enemy warrior, and recently fed; by the smell of you both.
Firepaw: Amazing. You can smell that I just ate but you never caught Sandpaw and Dustpaw eating behind your back. You're basically screwed if you're a Clan cat. 

Firepaw: Did you ever have kits?
Yellowfang: No, medicine cats are not allowed to have kits.
Firepaw: ...Crap. All hopes and dreams are smashed now.

Brokenstar: You must share your hunting grounds with ShadowClan.
Firepaw: I feel like I'm in a roleplay and this is where the gary stus arrive. 

Bluestar: We're going to the Moonstone
Firepaw: To do what?
Bluestar: Talk to StarClan and stuff...
Firepaw: And why's Tigerclaw coming?
Bluestar: So it's convenient to the plot.
Firepaw: Oh. 

Bluestar: This is Barley. He's a loner.
Tigerclaw: How do you know this guy? He wasn't even mentioned in Bluestar's Prophecy. 

*ShadowClan attacks. Blackfoot comes in and kills Rosetail*
Bluestar: Oh yeah, I forgot that Rosetail is still alive...

*Lionheart dies*
Goldenflower: I should be more devastated.

Bluestar: Well, now I guess I have to pick a new deputy. Tigerclaw will be the new deputy.
Tigerclaw: About fricken' time. 

Ravenpaw: A RiverClan warrior didn't kill Redtail, Tigerclaw did.
Firepaw: I'm going to be pretend to be surprised even though it was sort of obvious. 

Frostpelt: AAH MY KITS SOMEONE HAS TAKEN MY KITS.
Bluestar: And you weren't even watching them? And how come no one saw the kidnapper? Some Clan this is.

Bluestar: Firepaw, where is Yellowfang? Do you know?
(Firepaw cries over Spottedleaf's corpse)
Bluestar: Goddammit, Firepaw, stop mourning over a cat that's old enough to be your mother.

Firepaw: Bluestar, I know you are sending a young cat out in a storm to look for a cat while her scent is probably getting washed off because it's convenient to the plot, but can't you send perhaps another warrior who is capable of capturing Yellowfang without harming her? Or...send out a search patrol or something? Or, you can just ask Tigerclaw to do it and threaten to punish him if he injures or kills her.

Ravenpaw: W-Wait a minute, why are you sending me to live with a cat I hardly know? 
Firepaw: Because his mention in the story would have been useless.

Yellowfang: I didn't kill Spottedleaf, it was one of Brokenstar's warriors: Clawface, who wasn't entirely evil in my backstory because he mated my sister with no harm done but obeying Brokenstar against his will makes him evil, apparently.

Firepaw: We're going to drive you out, Brokenstar, like you did with WindClan. Hehe, deja vu-ish.
Brokenstar: Oh yeah? You and what army?
Firepaw: The RAF army.
(He points at the RAF army which were standing behind him, holding guns and stuff)
Brokenstar: Wow...that's a big army. Okay, fine, I'll go; gosh, I had no idea that I was so evil you'd have to speak to a couple of Twolegs about aiming guns at me.

Bluestar: Well done, Firepaw, you saved the day. And now you're Fireheart.
Fireheart: Yay

Sandpaw: I can't believe they get to be warriors before us.
Dustpaw: What are you fuming about? It's not like this method will be done ever again in the series. 
Remake of this: awkward-cat.deviantart.com/art…

Okay let's say my sense of humour has improved since then o.o

Also, since everyone loved the army joke, I readded it here for the lols. 

This is like CinemaSins

I don't own Warriors
:iconstarfire-zorua:
starfire-zorua Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
How can I see absolutely all of this really happening? Great work!
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:iconalicebluemudkip:
AliceBlueMudkip Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014
lol so funny but I can't read the whole thing because my mom is looking right behind me O.o
I'll favorite this so I can look at it later...
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:iconrainshadow1134:
Rainshadow1134 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
XD So funny. While reading it I was able to picture the most derpiest pictures and stuff through out. It'd be funny if this was animated.
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